祂一直在等我
我從小就在基督徒的家庭長大, 去教會, 去主日學似乎是很平常的事, 但當時我並不知道我自己為什麼要相信耶穌, 很多的聖經真理那時候的我其實也不太清楚。一直到我離開台灣到了加拿大念書參加了校園團契我才真正明白我的信仰, 認識了主耶穌。在大學時期我開始嘗試錄自己的小廣播錄音, 漸漸發展成寫詩歌。20 幾歲時開始在美國葡萄園教會敬拜事工服事帶領敬拜, 回到台灣後在高雄雙語社區教會負責敬拜事工。但是卻在2019年家裡發生巨大的變化, 父親的事業宣告倒閉。當時我跟先生都在父親的事業底下工作, 頓時我們倆同時失去工作! 有一段時間為了保護自己的家庭遠離公司債主, 我們帶著四個孩子只能暫時住在朋友的空房子裡。失去工作的我們經過很大的掙扎跟不捨必須離開南部搬到台北重新開始。那段時間我心裡的壓力跟無助還有很多的不諒解, 我似乎很難再回到起初敬拜神的心。還記得那段時間, 有黑道找到我們, 時常連環打電話給家人騷擾, 老二當時才國小三年級。我記得很清楚他曾哭著跟我說「媽媽. 我好害怕」。聽到年幼的孩子因為家裡的巨變這樣的恐慌, 我的心完全碎掉, 我心裡很多的不明白, 甚至是憤怒。我們原本的生活頓時全部沒了, 在很匆忙的情況下必須放棄原本的生活重新再來。也因為當時心裡的狀況我漸漸地離神很遙遠, 雖然還是有去教會但卻找不回當時我敬拜神起初的愛。
隨著時間, 我甚至忘記自己曾經是音樂人, 我也給自己藉口-以為多了母親的身分跟環境的改變, 我有充足的理由忽略神放在我裡面的呼召。表面上我看起來沒事, 去教會, 小組還有跟朋友一起禱告, 但內心其實是很枯乾空洞的, 甚至很難再坐在鋼琴前面敬拜神。將近七年, 我幾乎沒有動筆再寫詩歌….就連在教會我也刻意隱藏自己會音樂更不提神在音樂有呼召我這件事….
這當中, 神都沒有忘記我也沒有放棄過我。他派了我弟弟跟我最好的禱告夥伴鼓勵我回來音樂事奉, 但我仍舊無法跨越。2025 年好不容易我鼓起勇氣願意再回到音樂跟敬拜中, 我開始在自己的教會司琴服事。當時我真的很喜樂我又回來敬拜團隊了, 萬萬沒想到才服事三個月, 我就因為一次住院開刀的化驗結果診斷出我得了淋巴癌四期。我曾想過為什麼經過多年的沉默在我回來音樂服事時, 我卻罹癌。面臨的是化療跟未知與漫長的治療療程….神的心意到底是甚麼。
一直到我入院接受化療的那一天, 我帶著恐懼不安的心想著接下來我的生命會是甚麼樣子, 我的先生跟我們四個孩子還有我們全家要面臨的巨大改變, 這一切我幾乎無法承受。就在那一刻, 神對我說話。祂說 「你從水中經過 ， 我必與你同在； 你逿過江河 ， 水必 不漫過你 ； 你從火中行過 ， 必不被燒 ， 火燄也不著在你身上。」以賽亞書 43:2
這是祂的應許, 在病房中祂帶我回想到九年前我懷著雙胞胎卻需要拿掉大腫瘤的過程-神的保護與醫治。祂帶我回到起初祂呼召我敬拜祂的心, 我在病房中再次聽見耶穌的呼喚, 祂的愛從來沒有因為我的遠離而改變。當祂帶我數算祂過去未曾停止過的恩典與良善時, 心中的音樂再次響起, 我開始了在病房寫詩歌的歷程。原來, 耶穌從來沒有忘記我…祂一直在等我, 等我回應祂起初的呼召, 等我回到祂的敬拜裡……..因為唯有在祂的敬拜裡我才能活出真正的自由, 找到生命的美好。罹癌看似是悲傷的事, 但上帝給我的不只是身體的醫治, 更是我生命的更新! 我在病房寫的詩歌是我在曠野中的呼求與讚美, 是耶穌將我的曠野變成祝福, 祂的愛未曾改變過。
I grew up in a Christian family, attending church and Sunday School since I was young. It seemed normal to do so, but at that time, I didn’t really understand why I believed in Jesus, and many of the biblical truths were unclear to me. It wasn’t until I left Taiwan to study in Canada and participated in campus fellowship that I truly understood my faith and got to know the Lord Jesus. During my university years, I started trying to record my own radio broadcasts and gradually developed into writing hymns. In my twenties, I began serving in worship leadership at Vineyard Churches in the United States. After returning to Taiwan, I was responsible for worship at Bilingual Community Church in Kaohsiung.
However, in 2019, a huge change happened in my family—the collapse of my father’s business. At that time, both my husband and I were working for my father, and suddenly, we both lost our jobs! For a while, in order to protect our family from creditors, we had to stay temporarily in a friend’s empty house with our four children. Losing our jobs, we faced great struggles and reluctance, and we had to leave the southern part of Taiwan and start over in Taipei. During that time, I felt immense pressure, helplessness, and many misunderstandings. It was very difficult for me to return to my original heart of worshiping God. I remember during that period, we were also threatened by gangsters who frequently called our family to harass us. My second child was in third grade at elementary school. He cried to me, saying, “Mom, I am so scared.” Hearing my young child panic because of such a huge upheaval in our family shattered my heart completely. I had many confusions and even anger inside. Our previous life was suddenly gone, and in a rush, we had to abandon everything and start anew. Because of my mental state at that time, I gradually drifted far from God. Although I still attended church, I couldn’t find the initial love I had for worshiping and drawing close to Him.
Over time, I even forgot that I used to be a musician. I made excuses for myself—believing that the changes of becoming a mother and the environment around me gave me enough reasons to ignore the calling God had placed in me. On the surface, I appeared fine; I went to church, small groups, and prayed with friends. But inside, I was spiritually dry and empty, and I even found it very hard to worship God at the piano. For nearly seven years, I hardly wrote any hymns… I even deliberately hid my musical gifts at church, and I didn’t mention my calling in music at all.
Throughout this, God never forgot me, and He never abandoned me. He sent my brother and my best prayer partner to encourage me to return to music and ministry. But I still couldn’t overcome it. In 2025, I finally gathered the courage to return to music and worship. I started serving as a pianist in my church. I was truly joyful to be back in the worship team, but unexpectedly, after only three months of service, I was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma following tests for a surgery. I wondered why, after so many years of silence, I was diagnosed with cancer just as I returned to music ministry. I faced chemotherapy, uncertainty, and a long treatment process… What is God’s will in all this?
Until the day I was hospitalized for chemotherapy, I carried fear and anxiety, wondering what my life would be like from then on, and how my husband, our four children, and our entire family would face these huge changes. I almost couldn’t bear it. At that moment, God spoke to me. He said, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you; when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
This is His promise. In the hospital room, He reminded me of the process nine years ago when I was pregnant with twins and had to have a large tumor removed—God’s protection and healing. He brought me back to the initial calling He had placed on my heart to worship Him. In that hospital room, I heard Jesus’ call again—He loves me and has never changed because I strayed. As I reflected on His grace and goodness throughout my past, my heart was filled with music once again. I began writing hymns in the hospital ward. Turns out, Jesus has never forgotten me… He has been waiting for me—waiting for me to respond to His initial call, waiting for me to return to His worship…
Because only in His worship can I live out true freedom and discover the beauty of life. Cancer may seem like a sad thing, but God has given me more than just physical healing—He has renewed my life! The songs I wrote in the hospital room are my cries and praises from the valley; Jesus has turned my valley into a blessing. His love has never changed.
Praise from the Valley 